Developing Intimacy In Relationships - Conclusion

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Deuteronomy%206:5&version=NIV1984

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Jeremiah+29:13&version=NASB

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+119:10&version=NASB

Intimacy = time + depth + intentionality

For the past few days I have been posting my thoughts about intimacy in relationships.  In so doing I have shared a formula I came up with to help understand what it is.  What the necessary ingredients of it are.  Someone once said that ‘knowledge is power’.  This is true.  But I would contend that knowledge is only good if we use it.  The same is true about this formula for intimacy.

Let’s take a moment and think about our relationships.  Our relationship with our parents.  Our spouse.  Our children.  Our boyfriend or girlfriend.  Would we say that these relationships are intimate?  If so, we are in a good place.  If not, then we have some work to do.

For those of us who are married let’s take our relationship with our spouse.  Marriage is the most intimate of all human relationships.  At least it is supposed to be.  Since they live together, a husband and wife know things about each other that nobody else does.  That’s a good start.  But it still doesn’t mean that they have an intimate relationship.  How can we determine this?  By using the above formula.  How much time do I spend with my spouse?  Talking?  Doing things together?  Having fun?  How deep is our conversation?  Do I know their hopes and dreams for the future?  Their fears?  Their insecurities?  Do they know mine?  Do I ever share my heart with them?  Do they share their heart with me?  How intentional am I about the relationship?  Is it a priority?  Or is it pretty far down the list?  How important is our relationship to them?  By asking questions such as these, we can quickly determine just how intimate our relationship is.  Of course, we can use this same formula to evaluate our relationship with our parents.  Our children.  Grandchildren.  Friends.  Co-workers.

Now part of the problem with relationships is that there are two sides.  So we may want to have an intimate relationship with someone but they may not.  Unfortunately this is far too common in marriage.  One person wants a deep, intimate relationship while their spouse is content with being a ‘roomie’ - someone who lives under the same roof but who doesn’t want to get too personal.  This may be because they are afraid of intimacy.  They are afraid to become vulnerable.  Or they tried once and were rejected.  Or maybe they don’t even know what intimacy is.  Now while we can’t control our spouse’s feelings about intimacy, by using the intimacy formula, we can at least work on deepening the relationship from our side.  Who knows?  Maybe after a while our spouse will catch a glimpse of how great and satisfying intimacy is and will decide to cooperate with us!

One thing about God, He is never against or ambivalent about intimacy in our relationship.  He is willing to go to depths in our relationship that we can’t possibly imagine.  So let’s apply the intimacy formula to our relationship with Him.  Do we spend much time with Him?  Uninterrupted time.  Quality time.  When we do, is it all one-sided?  Do we spend 90% of the time talking to Him?  Or do we take some time to listen to Him?  Do we share our hearts with Him?  Our hopes?  Our dreams?  Our insecurities?  Our fears?  Is our relationship with Him a priority?  Are we intentional about regularly communing with Him?  Do we commune with Him throughout the day?  By asking questions such as these we can determine what we need to do in order to become intimate with God.  The good news is that this is exactly what He wants, too!  So we know that He is more than willing to cooperate with us.  To lead us into a deeper, more intimate relationship with Him.  One thing is for sure - any time or energy that we devote to increasing the intimacy in our relationship will pay huge dividends!

Well, there you have it.  My thoughts about intimacy.  Again, this all came about because God has shown me that I have a lot of work to do in getting there in my own relationships.  I hope that these posts have been helpful to you.  Feel free to let me know your thoughts on this subject as you pursue intimacy in your relationships.

Lord, thank you for all the relationships I have in my life.  Including my relationship with You.  Help me not to settle for second-best in them.  Help me to pursue intimacy.  To develop deep, personal relationships that are mutually satisfying and fulfilling.  May this be especially be true of my relationship with You.  May it become more than I ever imagined it could be.  Everything that You planned it to be.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.