Developing Intimacy In Relationships - Part I

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Jeremiah+9:24&version=NIV1984

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=I%20COr%201:9&version=NIV1984

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ps%2042:1-2&version=NIV1984

Even though I am a type-A person, goal-setter, and enjoy getting things done, I also think a lot.  At least I think I think a lot! :)  I wonder.  I ponder.  Lately God has been directing my attention to the area of intimacy.  As I have reflected on this I have come to the conclusion that I lack intimacy in my relationships.  As a pastor, I know a lot of people and interact with them on a regular basis.  But how many of them could I say I know intimately?  Not very many.  The fact is that most of us have very few relationships that we would classify as 'intimate'.  If any.  When we stop and think about it, that is sad.  Unfortunately I have discovered that I lack intimacy in two of my most important relationships.   My relationship with my wife.  And my relationship with God.  That is a disturbing thought.

Since I am a reductionist by nature (wanting to simplify things to their lowest, common denominator) I started thinking about what intimacy is.  Without consulting a dictionary, I would say that intimacy is when two people really know each other - their likes, their dislikes, their past, their hopes for the future.  It is knowing someone almost as good as you know yourself.  It is that feeling of being close to someone.  Understanding them.  And their understanding you.

Next I thought about just exactly how intimacy is developed.  While this is certainly not the last word on the subject, I came up with the following equation:

Intimacy = time + depth + intentionality

I may be prejudiced but I like this equation.  It breaks down the ingredients to something that I couldn’t otherwise grasp.  Unfortunately, in our culture, the word ‘intimate’ has a lot of sexual connotations attached to it.  This serves to complicate and hurt our understanding of it.  The fact is that just because two people have been intimate ‘sexually’ doesn’t mean that they have an intimate relationship.  There’s a bit of irony in this, isn’t there?  Over the years that I have been a pastor I have seen this first-hand.  A couple becomes ‘intimate’ with each other.  The hormones rage for a period of time.  But when they subside, the couple sometimes find that they have very little in common with each other.  That they actually don’t even like each other!   So in our look at intimacy I want to avoid the sexual aspect of it.  I want us to understand intimacy as closeness.  As knowing someone as good as we know ourselves.

I will post more on the subject of intimacy over the next few days.

Lord, thank you for the gift of intimacy.  Of getting to really know and understand someone else.  And their getting to know and understand us.  We need intimacy.  With others.  And especially with You.  Help us in our pursuit of this.  In Jesus' name, Amen.