Developing Intimacy In Relationships - Part II

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians%203:8&version=NIV1984

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matt%206:33&version=NIV1984

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matt%206:6&version=NIV1984

Yesterday I mentioned how God has been revealing to me the lack of intimacy in my relationships.  I also shared the formula that I came up for it:

Intimacy = time + depth + intentionality

Today I want to look at the first ingredient that must be present to have an intimate relationship with someone, which is time.  Lots of time.  The more time the better.  Let’s face it, it’s really hard to have an intimate relationship with someone we just met, isn’t it?  I mean, we know some things about them but there is a lot that we don’t know.  How are we going to get to know more about this person?  By spending more time with them.  This could involve face-to-face conversation. Or talking on the phone. Exchanging e-mails. Texting or chatting. Clearly some form of communication needs to be established.  In my opinion, time is the first and foremost ingredient in intimacy.  It’s not rocket science.  Spend little time with someone, there will be little intimacy.  Spend a lot of time with someone, the greater the intimacy. 

This is the reason why so many marriages and families are in trouble these days.  People are not spending much time together.  With work, school, and other activities, it’s increasingly difficult to get everyone in one place at one time.  In many marriages both spouses work.  If they work different shifts chances are they spend very little time together.  And even if they do both work the same shift, when they arrive home there are things that need their attention.  Meals need to be prepared.  Children have to be tended to.  Bills have to be paid.  The house or apartment needs to be cleaned or tidied up.  Yard work and/or maintenance on the vehicles needs to be done.  Then, after all this is completed, what do many couples do?  They spend time apart!  One spouse spends time on the computer while the other one watches TV.  Or one spouse works in the kitchen while the other is working in the garage.  The sad reality is that with the increased use of technology, our lives have become nothing more than a series of sound bytes - a little attention here, a little involvement there, but nothing of substance.  The result is that very few couples spend much time with each other.  And then they wonder why they feel distant.  Why they feel like two strangers living under the same roof.

As it pertains to God, someone has said that “God’s acquaintance is not made in quick visits”.  Right on.  Think about this quote for a moment.  What is it saying?  That time is a prerequisite to intimacy with God.  Unfortunately, spending time with God, just like with humans, is difficult for us.  We are so busy.  The result is a quick prayer here.  A couple Bible verses read there.  A trip to church on Sunday mornings.  But no blocks of time.  No time where we can really get to know God.  Who He is.  What He wants from us.  When was the last time that we spent an hour reading the Bible?  When was the last time that we spent an hour in prayer?  When was the last time that we took the time to actually meditate on what we read in Scripture?  Or meditate on one of God’s attributes?  Or reflect on how well we lived our day for God?  Sadly, most of us spend very little time with God on a daily or weekly basis.  And then we wonder why we don’t feel close to Him.  Why He seems so far away.  Why He seems unreal to us. 

The fact is, that if we are going to develop intimacy in our relationships, there is no substitute for time.  Friends need to make time for each other.   As do spouses.  Parents need to make time for their children.  And as Christians, we need to make time for God.  Time to talk.  To get to know Him.  To fall in love with Him.  When we do this, we will marvel at how quickly the time went.  And how intimate the relationship has become.  And we will make sure that we devote even more time to the relationship.

Lord, I confess that I don’t always spend as much time with those I love as I should.  Including You.  The fact is that I am too busy.  And I often choose to spend my time on other things.  Things that ultimately don’t matter.  Help me to spend more time with those closest to me.  And with You.  May the time that I invest help to develop the intimacy that I long for.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.