http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%2063:1-2&version=NIV1984
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+11:33&version=NIV1984
Intimacy = time + depth + intentionality
Yesterday we looked at the first ingredient of the formula for intimacy, time. Today we want to look at the second ingredient that must be present to have an intimate relationship with someone, which is depth. In other words, as key an ingredient as time is, (and we saw the importance of this yesterday), it is no guarantee of depth in a relationship. A good example of this is us guys. Most of us (not all of us) have a lot of surface relationships but very few, if any, deep relationships. I mean, we can work with a guy for years. Hunt and fish with him. Play sports with him. Just plain hang out with him. And still not know how his marriage is doing. Or what shape his finances are in. What his fears or dreams are. Whether or not he’s addicted to porn. The fact is that very few guys have deep relationships with other guys. We settle for surface relationships. At the expense of intimate ones.
As far as marriage is concerned, we see that simply spending time together doesn’t always lead to depth either. How many couples who spend the evening together watching TV or a DVD rarely, if ever, say a word to each other? And when they do, how deep is their conversation? Usually it is all surfacey stuff. How their day went. How the children behaved. What chores need to be done, etc. Now while light conversation is a necessary part of marriage, so is deep conversation. It is the only way that a couple is going to develop intimacy.
So what does depth in a relationship look like? Well it’s more than superficiality, that much I know. It’s more than talking about the weather. Or sports. Or the news. Depth in a relationship begins when we share our views. Our feelings. Depth occurs when we begin to share with others our fears. Our struggles. Our triumphs. Our hopes. Our dreams. Depth is getting to know what makes the other person tick. And sharing with them what makes us tick. This means that a husband is willing to share with his wife about the pressures he faces in his job. Whether he is making wise choices in life. Whether he still has what it takes. It means that a wife is able to share with her husband that she doesn’t like her body. Or that she feels insecure around certain people. Or that she is fearful about getting old. Depth requires that a couple is open and vulnerable to, and with, each other. So that they can understand and support each other.
As it relates to God, we see that depth is often lacking. It is possible for us to spend time with God on a frequent basis yet have very little depth in our relationship. We read our Bible. We say our prayers. We go to church. But none of it reaches down very deep. We aren’t affected by God. We aren’t changed by Him. We don’t experience Him. Then we wonder why God seems so distant. Why our relationship with Him seems so stale. So boring. So yesterday. What we need to do is to share our heart with God. Our joys. Our sorrows. Our fears. Our hopes. Then we need to take the time to listen to God's heart as well. Through His Word. Through His Spirit. Doing this brings a richness and a depth to our relationship with Him that makes it alive. Dynamic. Exciting. Something that brings immense satisfaction and intimacy.
Lord, sometimes I don’t think I know what intimacy is. So many of my relationships are shallow. Concerned about nothing more than the weather. Sports. The economy. It seems like I never get to the place of sharing my heart. Even with my family and friends. Or with you. At times I think that I may actually be afraid of intimacy. Afraid that I will be misunderstood. Or rejected. Give me a hunger to go deeper in my relationships. To share my feelings and my heart with others. To share my innermost self with You. And to discover Your heart as well. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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