http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Josh%2024:15&version=NIV1984
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ps+18%3A2&version=NIV1984
Intimacy = time + depth + intentionality
Yesterday we looked at the second ingredient of the formula for intimacy, depth. Today we are going to look at the third ingredient that must be present to have an intimate relationship with someone, which is intentionality. The fact is, most of the time, intimacy doesn’t just develop between two people. It has to be worked on. Cultivated. This requires intentionality.
To understand this better we need only look back on our dating relationships. When we first became attracted to that certain guy or gal, what did we do? We started to focus on them, didn’t we? We began texting them. Calling them. Walking by their desk. Or driving by their house. We made sure that we were where they were. Though the first meeting may have happened by chance, subsequent meetings did not. We planned to ‘bump’ into that person. To see them. To speak to them. It was intentional.
To be honest, there are some situations where intentionality doesn’t apply. I think of those situations where two people are put together against their will. Such as being in the same foxhole together. Or maybe in the same jail cell. Under these conditions there is no intentionality. The relationship develops intimacy (in most cases, though not in all) simply because the two of them are forced to spend time with each other.
Most relationships are not like this. They have to be pursued. Cultivated. Sought out. This is especially true with people whom we no longer see on a regular basis. Such as a friend or family member who has moved away. Or if we are the one who has moved away. If there isn’t some intentionality to keep the relationship alive, on our part or theirs, it will gradually die. All of a sudden it’s been months or years since we’ve had contact with them. In a marriage, intentionality means that we deliberately set aside time to talk. To do things together. To connect. So a wife might ask her husband to set aside a weekend so that they can go away together. Or a husband might decide to take his wife out for dinner on a particular night. These were not accidental happenings. They were deliberate plans to keep the relationship intact. Strong. Healthy.
The same is true of our relationship with God. The fact is that God is always near. He has already taken the initiative to have a living, dynamic relationship with us. That is why Jesus went to the cross. The hold-up in the relationship is with us. We don’t pursue Him. As it relates to God, if we want to develop an intimate relationship with Him then we need to be intentional about it. Intimacy with God doesn’t just miraculously happen any more than intimacy with other people miraculously happens. The truth is that time for God isn’t found. It’s made. It set aside. It’s planned for. This requires intentionality. If our relationship with God is a high priority to us, we will make sure that we stay in touch. If not, there will be long stretches where we don’t communicate with Him.
In our human relationships, we all like to be pursued, don’t we? We appreciate it when our spouse contacts us throughout the day. When they deliberately set aside time to be with us. To connect with us. We appreciate it when our grown children stop by from time to time. Or give us call. Or send us a text. It shows that they are thinking of us. We appreciate it when an old friend or co-worker periodically connects with us. It tells us that we are important to them. In the same way, God’s desire is that we pursue Him. Because it speaks volumes. It tells Him that He is important to us. That we care about Him. And love Him. Love Him enough to invest in the relationship. And for God, that means everything!
Lord, in the busyness of my life help me not to neglect my relationships. Especially with those who are nearest and dearest to me. My family. My friends. You. Help me to intentionally pursue You. To make connecting with You my highest priority. It is something that I desperately need. And something that brings You great joy and pleasure. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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