The end of the trail folks. After our little ‘family incident’ at McDonald’s on Friday, we have been looking at how we should respond when we run into people with whom we have conflict issues. Should we attack them? Stick up for ourselves? Put them in their place? Show them who’s who? Or should we try to escape? Run away from them? Avoid them? Hope they will find someone else to pick on? As we have seen, neither of these ways is healthy when facing conflict. So, how should we react then? Answer = God’s way! God’s way, the Peacemaking way, is to deal with conflict. To be proactive. To try to find a solution to the problem. Granted, every conflict situation might not work out the way that we (or God) wants it to. We live in a sinful world. People don’t always respond to reason. Or to love. (See the cross on that one.) We can’t control what others do to us or how they respond to us. The only thing that we can control is our own response. So, what are some healthy, constructive ways that we can respond to conflict?
First, size the situation up. Someone has offended us. Hurt our feelings. Maybe worse. Perhaps they have hurt or offended someone that we love. The question to ask is, Is this something that I can live with? Overlook? In Proverbs 19:11 we read, “The discretion of a person makes them slow to anger, and it is a glory to overlook a transgression.” Two days ago when we looked at the Attack response we saw that one of the negatives to it is that a person who practices this approach can become aggressive. They spend their whole life responding to real or perceived faults. They just can’t let anything go. As Christians, God wants us to be people who pass His forgiveness on to others. This means letting some offenses go. No curt reply. No stares or glares. No talking about the incident to others. (This only serves to keep it alive.) No altering of our relationship. No revenge. We give it to God. He takes care of it. End of the offense.
There is one huge issue that we need to consider when choosing this response. If we do decide to let it go, the when need to LET IT GO! In other words, if we decide to overlook the offense then we have to make sure that we don’t carry a judgmental or hurt spirit around with us. Otherwise we haven’t dealt with the offense. All we did was to escape from it. We have already seen that this is not the proper way to deal with conflict because it never gets resolved. If we are unable to overlook it (and, by the way, not all conflict should be overlooked) then we need to proceed to deal with it.
Second, take some positive action toward resolution. To take this out of the realm of theory and into that of practice, I have reflected on how I might have handled the situation with our grandson better. Here’s what I could have done:
Spoken to our grandson: Granted he’s only 2. He really doesn’t understand very much other than the fact that some strange kid pushed him. Multiple times. What I could have done was to talk to him on his terms. Inform him that it’s OK to tell the other kid to stop next time. To stick up for himself. In a good way rather than retaliating. At 2 years of age he may or may not have understood this. But older children and adults can. This is a good place to start.
Spoken to the parent & grandparent: I assume that they both knew that their son/grandson was pushing my grandson. Maybe they didn’t think it was that big of a deal. I could have calmly mentioned the situation to them. (Now if I can’t do this calmly then I don’t want to go there because it could escalate into a rather unpleasant situation!) You never know. They might have been willing to talk to their son/grandson. Or make him say he was sorry. Then again, they might not have done anything. I’ll never know.
Spoken to God: Wouldn’t it have been great (hindsight is 20-20 isn’t it?) if I would have got all 3 of my grandchildren together and talked to them? Talked about how some children are mean. Maybe they don’t have a loving family. Maybe they don’t know Jesus. Right then and there I could have had them join me in a quick prayer for the little boy. We could also have prayed for his mother and grandmother as well. What a lesson they would have learned in how to deal with conflict. Take the offender to God! Ask Him to work in their heart. To give us a good attitude. To give us a heart of love for him. I guess I missed a great opportunity. I hope that I have learned from this.
So, when a conflict situation comes up between you and another quietly ask God to help you. Speak to the other person. Let them know that they have offended you. Maybe they don’t know. By all means pray for that person. We don’t know the things that they are dealing with. Or what kind of upbringing they had. Or if they know Jesus. Ask God to work in their life. To change your attitude toward that person. To see them through the lens of God’s love.
It’s amazing what we can learn from a minor incident, isn’t it? Now that I’ve had several days to reflect I feel that I have grown. Maybe when the next situation comes along (there is always a ‘next’ situation) I will handle it better. The way that God wants me to. A way that makes Him irresistible to others. A way that brings Him glory!
Lord, thank you for Your incredible grace and love in my life. As I encounter situations involving conflict with others, help me to react the way that You want me to react. Not to attack others. Not to try to escape from them. But to deal with the situation. In a Christ-like manner. With kindness. Compassion. Understanding. Love. Who knows, maybe it will be the means through which they enter the Kingdom? In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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