http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=I%20COr%2012&version=NIV
In thinking about gifts, it appears that not only are we often dissatisfied with the gifts that God has given to us (physical appearance, abilities, possessions), we are dissatisfied with the gifts that He has given to others. Take marriage for example.
A couple gets married to each other. At the beginning they are pretty happy. Because they see the good qualities in each other. The gifts that God has given them. Compassion. Being able to draw. Or cook. Or repair things. Physical appearance. Athletic prowess. A sense of humor. A carefree attitude. Somewhere along the line their focus changes. Instead of seeing the positives in each other they begin to see the negatives. Instead of seeing the gifts that God has given them, they see the gifts that God has not given them. If they are not careful they can become disappointed with each other. This can then lead to some serious issues.
First, there are fantasies. One or both spouses begins to notice and appreciate the gifts and talents of others. John is so much more romantic than my husband. Or Meghan is a much better cook than my wife. These thoughts are generally not verbalized. But they begin to imagine what their spouse would be like if they were different. Or they simply imagine what life would be like with a different spouse.
Secondly, comes the makeover. By now one or both spouses have been living with fantasies for so long that they attempt to make them come true. So they begin dropping hints of what they’d like to see in each other. “I wish you could take care of the children like Nicole.” Or “I wish you could remodel our house like Kirk.” After a while, these hints become more tangible. So the husband buys his wife some sexy lingerie or the wife buys her husband some tools. Now, what I’m referring to is more than the helpful suggestions of a healthy couple who are trying to bring out the best in each other. What I’m referring to here is the manipulative attempts of a couple who are deeply dissatisfied with each other.
Of course, marriage is just one area where we can become disappointed with the gifts of others. This can happen with our children as well. “Why can’t my child look like, or be as smart, or be as athletic, or as kind, as the neighbor’s child is?” We also do this with co-workers. And friends. And neighbors. And fellow believers. The point is that most of us have a little God-complex in us. Meaning that we want to make others into our own image. Or at the least the image we have for them. Swap out the less desirable talents and personalities quirks for more desirable ones. Presto! Now they are the person we want them to be!
Yet while we think that this will solve our problem of dissatisfaction, it only makes things worse. How would we feel if all the people around us were dissatisfied with the way we are? And wanted to change us? Make us over? Re-create us? I don’t think we would appreciate this at all. We must remember that, on this side of Heaven, no one is perfect. We are all flawed. A combination of God-given gifts and a fallen, sinful nature.
The answer? Accepting people for who they are. Good qualities and the ones that drive us nuts. Understanding that there is nobody in all of the world exactly like our spouse. Or our parents. Our siblings. Our children or grandchildren. Our co-workers. Yes, as they cooperate with God, they can be transformed more into His likeness. And we can assist in that process. But the basic nature of others is pretty much set. To a large degree, this is the way that God has made them. Our choice is whether to accept or reject. To appreciate or be dissatisfied.
A couple gets married to each other. At the beginning they are pretty happy. Because they see the good qualities in each other. The gifts that God has given them. Compassion. Being able to draw. Or cook. Or repair things. Physical appearance. Athletic prowess. A sense of humor. A carefree attitude. Somewhere along the line their focus changes. Instead of seeing the positives in each other they begin to see the negatives. Instead of seeing the gifts that God has given them, they see the gifts that God has not given them. If they are not careful they can become disappointed with each other. This can then lead to some serious issues.First, there are fantasies. One or both spouses begins to notice and appreciate the gifts and talents of others. John is so much more romantic than my husband. Or Meghan is a much better cook than my wife. These thoughts are generally not verbalized. But they begin to imagine what their spouse would be like if they were different. Or they simply imagine what life would be like with a different spouse.
Secondly, comes the makeover. By now one or both spouses have been living with fantasies for so long that they attempt to make them come true. So they begin dropping hints of what they’d like to see in each other. “I wish you could take care of the children like Nicole.” Or “I wish you could remodel our house like Kirk.” After a while, these hints become more tangible. So the husband buys his wife some sexy lingerie or the wife buys her husband some tools. Now, what I’m referring to is more than the helpful suggestions of a healthy couple who are trying to bring out the best in each other. What I’m referring to here is the manipulative attempts of a couple who are deeply dissatisfied with each other.
Of course, marriage is just one area where we can become disappointed with the gifts of others. This can happen with our children as well. “Why can’t my child look like, or be as smart, or be as athletic, or as kind, as the neighbor’s child is?” We also do this with co-workers. And friends. And neighbors. And fellow believers. The point is that most of us have a little God-complex in us. Meaning that we want to make others into our own image. Or at the least the image we have for them. Swap out the less desirable talents and personalities quirks for more desirable ones. Presto! Now they are the person we want them to be!
Yet while we think that this will solve our problem of dissatisfaction, it only makes things worse. How would we feel if all the people around us were dissatisfied with the way we are? And wanted to change us? Make us over? Re-create us? I don’t think we would appreciate this at all. We must remember that, on this side of Heaven, no one is perfect. We are all flawed. A combination of God-given gifts and a fallen, sinful nature.
The answer? Accepting people for who they are. Good qualities and the ones that drive us nuts. Understanding that there is nobody in all of the world exactly like our spouse. Or our parents. Our siblings. Our children or grandchildren. Our co-workers. Yes, as they cooperate with God, they can be transformed more into His likeness. And we can assist in that process. But the basic nature of others is pretty much set. To a large degree, this is the way that God has made them. Our choice is whether to accept or reject. To appreciate or be dissatisfied.
So, once again, as we put away or exchange the gifts that others have given us let us treasure the people in our lives for who they are. Not who we wish they were. Once we do, we just might find that they really are the person we wanted all along!
Lord, I thank you for Your creative genius that I see displayed in my spouse. My children and grandchildren. My friends. Others whom I know and love. You gave each of them different gifts. Some that You have given to me. Some that You haven't. Help me to appreciate their different-ness and uniqueness. May You use them to further transform me into Your image. In Jesus' name, Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment