I don’t know how long ago it was that I became familiar with what is known as The Serenity Prayer. It was probably when I was a teenager. However I really didn’t understand its importance until I entered the ministry. Now I value the prayer immensely and use it often when I am counseling others.
No one knows the exact origin of the prayer. It is attributed to American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr. (I know. I thought he was German too. His parents were German but Neibuhr was born right here in the good ole USA.) Unlike most prayers, the Serenity Prayer is very short. In fact, other than some of the prayers that my grandson says before eating, it may be one of the shortest prayers that I know of! But don’t let the shortness fool you. Just like the Gettysburg Address, brevity does not necessarily mean a lack of quality. The prayer goes as follows:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
I like this prayer because of the powerful truths that it illustrates.
As people share with me their problems, it is apparent that oftentimes they spend the vast majority of their time focusing and working on things they cannot change. So a husband or wife will try to get their spouse to change. Or their teenager. Or their co-worker. The fact is that they have no control over this. They can suggest positive changes. Try to initiate positive changes. Even pray for positive changes. But if the person doesn’t want to change, they are not going to. Period.
On the other hand, while they are focusing on what others need to change, they completely neglect the areas where they can change. Such things as becoming more patient. Loving. Understanding. Their attitude. Their relationship with God. These are areas where no one else can keep them from changing. But they don’t pursue these personal changes. They are more interested in changing someone else. Would that qualify as a definition of selfishness? Just a thought.
This is life, isn’t it? We neglect our part and decide to work on others. The Serenity Prayer is good in that it makes us focus on what we can change in the situation. Then we need the courage to go ahead and make those changes. Meanwhile, there are always parts of a situation that we have no control of whatsoever. The impetus for change in these areas is going to have to come from others. There is the possibility that this change might never occur. What are we to do then? Accept that these things might not change. Ever. When we realize the difference between what we can change and what we can’t change, that is wisdom. Few people ever arrive at this place.
Let me demonstrate how The Serenity Prayer can work. Once I had a woman come to me for advice regarding her troubled marriage. Since her husband did not come with her, there was nothing I could do but encourage her to work on some of her own issues, issues that she admitted needed attention. Meanwhile I encouraged her to continue to pray for her husband. To be the kind of wife that God wanted her to be regardless of what her husband did. Regardless of whether he ever responded to her changes. Guess what? The woman began to feel hope as she made changes in her life. She felt like she was making personal progress. Eventually her husband came with her for some counseling. They began working on their problems together. The husband began making changes in his own life. Who knew!
So the next time that you are faced with a difficult situation, remember The Serenity Prayer. What can you do in the situation? Once you have identified this, do it! Then learn to accept the part that you can’t change. By all means pray to God about it! But don’t stew. Or complain. Or get mad about it. Leave it in God’s hands. That is always the best place to leave our problems!
Lord, I confess that I often get confused about my problems. I spend time working on what only others or You can change. I neglect to work on what I can change. Help me to reverse this trend. Help me to identify and work on the things that I can change in my life and to pray about and accept the things that I cannot change. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
No one knows the exact origin of the prayer. It is attributed to American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr. (I know. I thought he was German too. His parents were German but Neibuhr was born right here in the good ole USA.) Unlike most prayers, the Serenity Prayer is very short. In fact, other than some of the prayers that my grandson says before eating, it may be one of the shortest prayers that I know of! But don’t let the shortness fool you. Just like the Gettysburg Address, brevity does not necessarily mean a lack of quality. The prayer goes as follows:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
I like this prayer because of the powerful truths that it illustrates.
As people share with me their problems, it is apparent that oftentimes they spend the vast majority of their time focusing and working on things they cannot change. So a husband or wife will try to get their spouse to change. Or their teenager. Or their co-worker. The fact is that they have no control over this. They can suggest positive changes. Try to initiate positive changes. Even pray for positive changes. But if the person doesn’t want to change, they are not going to. Period.
On the other hand, while they are focusing on what others need to change, they completely neglect the areas where they can change. Such things as becoming more patient. Loving. Understanding. Their attitude. Their relationship with God. These are areas where no one else can keep them from changing. But they don’t pursue these personal changes. They are more interested in changing someone else. Would that qualify as a definition of selfishness? Just a thought.
This is life, isn’t it? We neglect our part and decide to work on others. The Serenity Prayer is good in that it makes us focus on what we can change in the situation. Then we need the courage to go ahead and make those changes. Meanwhile, there are always parts of a situation that we have no control of whatsoever. The impetus for change in these areas is going to have to come from others. There is the possibility that this change might never occur. What are we to do then? Accept that these things might not change. Ever. When we realize the difference between what we can change and what we can’t change, that is wisdom. Few people ever arrive at this place.
Let me demonstrate how The Serenity Prayer can work. Once I had a woman come to me for advice regarding her troubled marriage. Since her husband did not come with her, there was nothing I could do but encourage her to work on some of her own issues, issues that she admitted needed attention. Meanwhile I encouraged her to continue to pray for her husband. To be the kind of wife that God wanted her to be regardless of what her husband did. Regardless of whether he ever responded to her changes. Guess what? The woman began to feel hope as she made changes in her life. She felt like she was making personal progress. Eventually her husband came with her for some counseling. They began working on their problems together. The husband began making changes in his own life. Who knew!
So the next time that you are faced with a difficult situation, remember The Serenity Prayer. What can you do in the situation? Once you have identified this, do it! Then learn to accept the part that you can’t change. By all means pray to God about it! But don’t stew. Or complain. Or get mad about it. Leave it in God’s hands. That is always the best place to leave our problems!
Lord, I confess that I often get confused about my problems. I spend time working on what only others or You can change. I neglect to work on what I can change. Help me to reverse this trend. Help me to identify and work on the things that I can change in my life and to pray about and accept the things that I cannot change. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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