The McDonald's Incident - Part III

If you have been following my blog the past several days you know that this mini-series is about how we should respond when we run into people who would use or abuse us in our lives.  How should we react, or advise our children or grandchildren to react when they encounter situations like this?  And most importantly, How would God have us to react?  Today we want to look at what is known as the Escape response.

                    ESCAPE

Let’s face it, not everyone wants to fight.  Or to stand up for themselves.  Some people simply want the situation to go away.  They have no stomach for conflict.  Of any kind.  They just want to live in peace.  To go through life without any problems.  So they avoid problem people.  They go down a different street.  Or to a different school.  Or to a different restaurant.  Or they quit their job.  Or leave their church.  Or get divorced.  In extreme cases they might even commit suicide.  This is the ultimate act of avoidance.

Once again, this response works in some situations.  We no longer run into the person in question.  We no longer see them.  Or hear from them.  We have no contact with them whatsoever.  So there are no longer any issues to be faced.  The problem has been solved.

Unfortunately, this response doesn’t always work.  We think we have successfully taken care of the situation and bam, they magically appear in our lives again!  We run into this person unexpectedly.  In the store.  At the doctor’s office.  At a wedding or a funeral.  At a sporting event.  All of a sudden we are face-to-face with a nemesis.  An old enemy.  A situation that has never been resolved.

There are also times when we simply can’t avoid the other person.  We are married to them.  Or they are a family member.  Or we work with them.  Or go to school with them.  Or they live on the same block.  The cold, hard facts are that in some situations it is not possible for us to avoid this person.  We can’t attend a different school.  Or move.  Or quit our job.  So what do we do then?  Punt.

Then there is the fact that even if we do successfully avoid the person we can still be haunted by them.  We live in fear that we are going to run into them somewhere.  So we don’t go to certain places.  We don’t engage in certain activities.  Because they might be there.  We have dreams and nightmares about this person.  No matter where we go they are always right there.  In our mind.  This is pretty hard to ignore.  And to live with.

Now while the escape approach certainly is the safe choice (little chance for future escalation), it also has some downside to it:  Living in fear.  Thinking that running away will solve all our problems.  Becoming a person whose main goal in life is to avoid conflict.  No doubt all of us feel like running away at times.  Like David in Psalm 55:5-8, we say, “Fear and trembling have beset me, horror has overwhelmed me.  Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!  I would fly away and be at rest.  I would flee far away and stay in the desert; I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm.”  Certainly running away from our problems, or living in fear of people, is not the way that God would want us to live.  Consider the following Scriptures:
    “When I am afraid, I will call upon the name of the Lord.” Psalm 56:3
    “In God I trust and am not afraid. What can man do to me?”  Psalm 56:11
    “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.”  Deuteronomy 31:6

No, just like the attack response, the escape response isn’t appealing to me either.  I don’t want to always be running from my problems.  Avoiding certain people.  Living my life in fear.  Nor do I want to encourage my children and grandchildren to react this way.  Tomorrow we will look at how God would have us to respond.

Lord, there are times when I am intimidated by others.  When I feel uncomfortable around them.  When I would rather avoid them.  Run away from them.  Stay clear of them.  As much as running away seems so appealing, help me to understand that it is not Your way of dealing with difficult people.  Help me to react the way that You would have me react.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

The McDonald's Incident - Part II

Yesterday I posted about ‘The McDonald’s Incident’ (sounds like an investigative file, doesn’t it?)  where our 2-year-old grandson Jaydon was being pushed by another boy as he was playing at McDonald's.  This brings up several rather important questions on how to deal with situations like this.  What should we do when we run into people in our lives who would use or abuse us?  Better yet, how should we react or advise our children or grandchildren to react when they encounter situations like this?  Of course, the most  important question is, How would God have us to react?  Ah, as Christians that question always surfaces one way or the other in life, doesn’t it?

The way that I see it, we have basically 3 ways to handle these kinds of situations.  In Peacemaker’s terminology we can attack, escape or try a peacemaking approach.  Today we are going to look at the Attack response.

                                                                    ATTACK 

For some people this is the natural way to handle a situation.  Glare.  Scowl.  Clench your teeth.  Clench your fists.  Fight back.  In Jaydon’s case, push back.  Stand up for yourself.  Don’t let anyone bully you.  The truth is that most of the time if you stand up to a bully they will back down.

The reality is that this approach works in some situations.  We call the other person’s bluff.  They aren’t really looking to get into a fight or a conflict situation, so they back off.  And find another person to intimidate.  When this happens we feel better about ourselves and our sense of strength and self-esteem improves.

Unfortunately, this approach doesn’t always work.  In some cases an attack response only increases the conflict.  We push someone back, and they push us harder.  Now how are we going to respond?  So we push them back harder.  Then they punch us.  Or hit us with an object.  Or get a couple of friends to gang up on us.  Or continue to harass us.  Or destroy our property.  Or take it out on a family member.  We read about these kinds of responses to an attack response every day in the news.  The fact is that we don’t always know where this response is going to lead to.  In some extreme cases, an attack response has resulted in death.

Now while this approach certainly is the macho-one and feels so empowering (revenge almost always feels good), it has some downside to it: Unknown escalation factor (where is it going to stop?).  Thinking anger can cure every problem.  Becoming an angry, aggressive person who takes exception at the slightest offense.  In James 1:20 (a verse I used just a couple of days ago) we are warned that “Human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”  Then there is Romans 12:19 we are also warned, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath.”  No thanks.  Though it is tempting at times, I really don’t want to react this way.  Nor do I want to encourage my children and grandchildren to react this way.  Most importantly, God doesn't want me to react this way either.  Tomorrow we will look at the Escape response.

Lord, there are times when I get angry with people.  People who abuse me.  Who take advantage of me.  Who pick on me.  Who cheat me.  Who make my life miserable.  As much as I want to at times, help me to see that responding by attacking others, by taking revenge, is not the answer.  Once again, help me to react the way that You would have me react.  In Jesus' name, Amen.

The McDonald's Incident - Part I

Beth and I took our 3 grandchildren out to McDonald’s for lunch today.  The main draw is their play area.  Brett, Ava & Jaydon love climbing the tubes and going down the slides.  Usually.  Today as our grandchildren were enjoying the play area they were joined by several other children whose parents had also brought them there to eat and play.

After finishing their meals our grandchildren went to play.  Not more than a couple minutes later I heard Jaydon crying.  Wailing was more like it.  I went over to get him as he came down the slide crying.  Brett & Ava told me that another boy (his size and age) had pushed him.  After a minute or so of consoling him, Jaydon returned to play.  A few minutes later the scenario repeated itself.  The boy’s mother and grandmother were both in the eating area.  They heard Brett & Ava tell us that a boy (their boy) had pushed him but they did nothing.  Didn’t say a word.  At one point in the drama I actually saw the little boy push Jaydon.  It wasn’t a hard push by any stretch of the imagination.  But it was enough to make Jaydon cry.  Beth also saw this boy push Jaydon and she pointed her finger at him and told him not to do it.  To make a long story short, after getting pushed for the 4th or 5th time, Jaydon was halfway up a tube crying his eyes out.  I could see him suspended about 8' up in the air.  Try as hard as I could (with Brett & Ava right next to him) Jaydon would not come back down the tube nor would he go down the slide.  Guess who rescued him?  That’s right.  I crawled part way up the tube and the sound of my voice helped him to come down to me and we exited the rest of the way together.

Now as the situation was developing I was wondering how I ought to handle it?  Specifically, how should I advise my grandchildren to handle it?  Part of me wanted to tell Jaydon to simply push the boy back.  Fight fire with fire.  Another part of me wanted to tell Brett to give the kid a karate chop or two.  That would teach him to mess with his little brother!  I did neither.  Beth & I simply held Jaydon and kept him with us while Brett & Ava continued to play.                     

We both were pretty upset over what we thought would be an enjoyable lunch out with our grandchildren.  I guess what perturbed us the most was that the boy’s mother and grandmother never did or said anything to their son/grandson.  Nothing!  Not a word!  Didn’t they care?  We left right afterwards.  Obviously things weren’t going to change.  If we had stayed there much longer Beth might have given the mother & grandmother a piece of her mind or I might have taken the boy over my knee and given him a spanking.  Either way, it wouldn’t have been good.  I can see the headlines now: Pastor & wife charged with beating 2-year-old at McDonald’s!  If you’ve ever been in a situation where you have seen your children or grandchildren getting the short-end-of-the-stick, then you know how we felt.  Seething would be the word.

The incident brings up a larger question.  What should we do when we run into people in our lives who would use or abuse us?  Better yet, how should we react or advise our children/grandchildren to react when they encounter situations like this?  I know how I would like to react.  And I know of various ways that people have reacted.  What is the most important question is, How would God have us to react?  We will look at these questions the next couple days.

Lord, I thank you for having a wonderful day with my grandchildren.  I thank you for the self-control that You gave me during lunch at McDonald's.  As difficult as it might be at times, help me to react the way that You want me to react.  To consider WWJD (What Would Jesus Do?) and to act accordingly.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.