Every time I officiate at a funeral I am reminded of how unpleasant death is. Unless a person is in a lot of pain, no one wants to die - nor do family members and friends want them to die either. In our culture death is certainly something that most people don't want to go through, nor do they want to think or talk about it.
In the same way, dying to self is unpleasant. It is not something that most of us want to do. The problem is that each one of us wants to be the captain of our own soul. No matter how little control we have anywhere else in life, at least we can control our own lives. Self-determination is huge. So there is a natural inclination within us to resist dying to self. We must acknowledge and face this reality.
I find that although Jesus calls me to die to self, that I often shrink back from it. I don't have the time for it. It is going to hurt. It is going to be unpleasant. It is going to change the way that I live. Do I really want to go ahead with this? Yet, I am tired of the way I am living. I am tired of the daily challenge of living and my meager resources. I am tired of living with this nagging feeling that I am missing out on so much that God has for me.
So the choice is before me. Am I willing to die? Yes, in a resigned sort of way. If this is the only way that I can become closer to God, then I will do it.
God, this is hard. Help me to do it. Help me to like it. Help me to glorify You in this!
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